Feelings~

Suddenly, I just wanted to find a place to blurt out my feelings..
N i remember that I actually have a Blog~! Lolz..

Days had been tough and slowly turned great throughout the past one year till now, 2012..
From the sad incident on my dad passed away till me getting into studying masters now...

My dearest loving Dad had sadly passed away on January 23, 2011, and it was the toughest memory to battle on..
I've been keeping myself happy and live life on as positive as I can be, so that my dad can rest in peace..
Had been listening to the songs he sang the day before, and I cried my heart out...
It was so hard to get through the fact that he's no longer here with us all...
I always thought I am strong enough to face it, but deep down, I'm still hurt~
There are loads of times, where I wished that my dad could have console me, gave me advise, hug me in his arms, give me positive encouragement, care and love for me...
The advise that my dad always gave never failed to enlighten me and direct me to the path of my life...
Dad.. do you remember the days we shared together?
The times where we joke and laugh together?
The days where we went travelling and sang together?
Dad.. I miss you real much! Wondering when will be the day till we meet again........

These days, I had been really blissful with my loved one with me..
He's someone whom I always have wished for...
The guy that captured my heart deep down...
Someone I know I can trust, care and love for...
However, does he really feel the same for me?
Why I always felt that there's privacy needed from me by him in between?
Why fb page is created and not adding me into it?
I know that the page is created to initially buy me present, but after that, really can't add me in?
Why that I only ask to delete one person, he would rather argue with me and not delete?
Why he would promise me to delete the account and still keep it and add new friends into it?
I really felt insecure this way...
I know I'm childish to think of all this..
But to respect each other, I really felt that transparency and trust between each other is vital...
To have trust is really important, and these questions had been pondering in me, that made me felt sad and emo at times..
I do love him wholly.. But why this is all happening?
I tried so hard to be a better gf..
To try to listen, to understand, to care, to love, to be there for him, to be truthful, etc...
But maybe, I'm not good enough that he couldn't have enough trust in me I guessed...
I tried so hard to not care about this, but at times, thoughts just popped into my mind when I reflect on myself...Sighz...

Anywayz.. Time to go to bed..... Good night world...